Two children reach for the same red marker. One grabs it, the other wails, and within seconds a third child is announcing the whole thing to you from across the room. In a classroom of four-, five- and six-year-olds, moments like this happen dozens of times a day. They are not interruptions to learning. They are the learning, and the way we respond to them shapes how children get along for years.
Social skills are not something young children simply pick up by being around other kids. Taking turns, joining a game, calming down after a disappointment, saying sorry and meaning it: each of these is a skill with steps, and skills can be taught. This guide covers how to teach social skills on purpose across a full school year in PreK, kindergarten and 1st grade. You will find what children learn and why it matters, a simple lesson structure that works, how to use social stories well, common mistakes and fixes, ways to differentiate for a mixed group, a sample year plan, and ideas for bringing families into the work.
Why Teach Social Skills Directly?
Many adults remember learning to share or wait their turn as something that "just happened." For plenty of children it does not. A child who has spent little time in groups, a child with a language delay, a child who is anxious or a child who has learned that grabbing works will not discover the expected behavior on their own. They need to see it, hear it named, practice it and get feedback, just like learning letter sounds.
Direct teaching also helps the children who already have the skill. When the class shares words for social situations, such as "stop and think," "I-message" or "telling or tattling," everyone has a common language for solving problems. Children start using those words with each other, which means fewer conflicts land on your desk.
What Young Children Need to Learn
Social emotional learning for little ones covers a wide range of skills. It helps to think of them in groups so your teaching has some order.
School skills
These are the habits that make a group of children function as a class: taking turns, following directions and rules, listening, raising a hand, waiting in line, using an inside voice, cleaning up, asking for help and staying on task. They are often the first skills teachers want in place, so they make sense early in the year.
Friendship
Sharing, joining in, inviting others, playing fair, giving compliments, saying sorry, forgiving and making a new friend all fall here. One skill that adults often overlook is having more than one friend. Young children can become very attached to a single buddy and feel lost when that child is absent or playing with someone else.
Feelings
Before children can manage a feeling, they need a name for it. Naming feelings such as angry, sad, worried, excited, frustrated, jealous, embarrassed and proud, then learning ways to calm down, gives children tools instead of tantrums.
Kindness and empathy
Being kind, helping others, showing empathy, including everyone, using kind words, saying thank you, being gentle, cheering others on, accepting differences and caring about feelings. These skills turn a group of individuals into a community.
Communication
Good manners, greeting others, starting and ending a conversation, personal space, body language, facial expressions, I-messages, not interrupting and asking questions. Many of these are also pragmatic language skills, which is why speech therapists often work on them.
Self-control and problem solving
Keeping hands to yourself, stopping to think, making good choices, solving problems, handling disagreements, being patient, handling "no," winning and losing kindly, knowing the difference between telling and tattling, and ignoring distractions.
Character and self-awareness
Telling the truth, being responsible, respecting others and property, respecting yourself, persistence, handling mistakes, being brave and flexible, knowing your strengths, being a leader rather than bossy, thinking positive, taking care of your body, helping at home, being part of a class, making decisions and trying new things.
A Simple Lesson Structure That Works
Young children do best with predictable routines. When every social skills lesson follows the same shape, children know what to expect and can focus on the skill itself rather than on figuring out the activity.
Day 1: Story and discussion
- Introduce the skill in kid-friendly words. "Today we are learning about waiting in line. Waiting in line means standing in your spot with calm hands and feet until it is time to go."
- Read a short social story. A social story shows a character facing a real situation, trying the skill and seeing what happens. Keep it short enough to finish before attention fades.
- Ask discussion questions. What happened? How did the character feel? What did they do? What could you do if this happened to you?
- Act it out. Ask two or three children to role-play the situation. Then try it the "wrong" way with you playing the part, and let the class coach you. Children love correcting the teacher, and it shows they understand.
Day 2: Practice and reflect
- Review the story quickly. Ask a child to retell what the character did.
- Complete a practice activity. Drawing themselves using the skill, tracing an "I can" sentence or finishing a sentence starter helps children picture themselves succeeding.
- Reflect. For children who are ready, a short checklist ("I waited my turn," "I used calm hands") builds self-awareness.
- Send the skill home. A brief note tells families what you practiced and the words you used.
The Social Skills SEL Curriculum follows exactly this rhythm. Each of its 80 skills has an original illustrated social story with Benny Bear and Lulu Bunny, a ready-to-use 2-day lesson plan, discussion questions, practice activities and a home note for families.
Using Social Stories Well
Social stories are short narratives that describe a social situation, the expected behavior and why it matters. They are especially helpful for young children and for children with autism or language differences, because they make invisible social rules visible.
Why characters help
Children often feel defensive when a lesson seems aimed at them. If you say, "Some of us have been pushing in line," a few children will feel called out. A story about a friendly bear who struggles to wait in line lets children think about the problem without feeling judged. They can say, "Benny should have stayed in his spot," and that is the first step toward saying it to themselves.
Tips for reading social stories
- Read it more than once. Repetition helps the language stick. Read it on Day 1, revisit it on Day 2 and pull it out again when the skill comes up in real life.
- Pause at the problem. Before the character solves it, ask, "What should Lulu do?" Let children predict.
- Name the feeling. Point to the character's face and ask how they feel. This builds emotional vocabulary alongside the skill.
Puppets and props
Stick puppets of your story characters are a powerful tool. Children who will not speak up in a group will often talk through a puppet. Use puppets to replay scenes, act out alternative endings or let children "teach" the character a skill.
Teaching Feelings and Calming Down
Feelings lessons deserve special attention because so many other social skills depend on them. A child who cannot calm down cannot stop and think, wait patiently or handle "no."
Build a feelings vocabulary
Start with a small set of feelings and add more over time. Use a feelings chart with simple faces, refer to it daily and ask children to point to how they feel at arrival, after recess or at the end of the day. Model it yourself: "I feel frustrated because the computer will not turn on. I am going to take a deep breath."
Teach calm-down strategies before they are needed
Children cannot learn a new strategy in the middle of a meltdown. Practice breathing, counting, squeezing hands or getting a drink of water when everyone is calm. Post a Ways to Calm Down poster where children can see it and point to choices. Then, when a child is upset, you can guide them to a strategy they already know.
Common Mistakes and How to Fix Them
Teaching skills only when there is a problem
It is natural to address a skill when it goes wrong, but a child who is upset is not ready to learn. Teach skills proactively, at a calm time, then refer back to the lesson when problems come up.
Too much talk
Long explanations lose young listeners. Keep the teaching part short and spend most of the time on story, role-play and practice.
Expecting one lesson to be enough
A child might ace a role-play on Monday and grab toys on Tuesday. That is normal. Social skills need many practice opportunities in many settings. Revisit skills, especially the ones your class struggles with most.
Forced apologies
Requiring a quick "sorry" teaches children to say a word, not to repair harm. Teach what a real apology includes: naming what happened, saying sorry, and offering a way to make it better. Give children time to calm down first, and accept that forgiving is a separate skill that also takes time.
Missing the positive
Children repeat behavior that gets noticed. Catch children using skills and name them specifically: "You asked Mia to join your game. That was including everyone." A simple class award for a kind heart can make these moments feel special.
Differentiation for Every Child
Classrooms in PreK through 1st grade often include children who are just beginning to hold a crayon alongside children who are writing sentences. Social skills lessons work well for mixed groups because the story and discussion are shared by everyone. The difference is in how children show what they learned.
Support for children who need it
- Offer a draw-and-trace option so children can show the skill without writing.
- Read the "I can" sentence aloud and let children trace it while saying it.
- Use visuals: point to pictures on a feelings chart instead of asking for words.
- Give a role-play job with a simple line, such as "Can I play too?"
Stretch for children who are ready
- Ask them to finish a sentence starter in their own words.
- Use a self-reflection checklist to think about when they used the skill.
- Invite them to suggest a new ending to the story or a different problem the character could face.
- Let them be the "coach" during role-play, guiding a partner through the steps.
The Social Skills SEL Curriculum builds in this flexibility with two activity levels for every skill. Level 1 is a draw-and-trace activity with a traceable "I can" sentence. Level 2 adds a drawing activity, sentence starter writing and a self-reflection checklist.
Special education, speech therapy and counseling
Social stories and predictable lessons are a natural fit for special education settings, IEP social goals and pragmatic language work in speech therapy. Choose the skills that match a child's goals rather than following the full sequence, and use the same story several times across a week. Counselors can use individual skills for small groups focused on friendship, feelings or self-control. A progress tracker that lists every skill makes it easy to see which ones have been introduced and practiced.
English learners
Characters, pictures and role-play give English learners a way into social skills lessons without relying on language alone. Teach a few key phrases for each skill, such as "My turn, your turn," "Can I play?" or "I feel ___," and practice them often.
Planning a Year of Social Skills
A year-long plan keeps social skills from getting pushed aside by everything else. Here is one way to sequence the eight units across a school year. Adjust it based on your class and calendar.
August and September: School Skills
Start with the skills that help the class run: taking turns, following directions and rules, listening, raising a hand, waiting in line, using an inside voice, cleaning up, asking for help and staying on task. These build the routines that make everything else possible.
October: Friendship
As children settle in and begin forming friendships, teach sharing, joining in, inviting others, playing fair, compliments, saying sorry, forgiving and making new friends.
November: Feelings
Fall often brings more emotional moments as routines settle and holidays approach. Teach feelings vocabulary and calm-down strategies now, so children have tools heading into winter.
December: Kindness and Empathy
The holiday season is a natural time for kindness, helping others, saying thank you and accepting differences.
January: Communication
After winter break, revisit routines and work on greetings, conversations, personal space, body language, facial expressions, I-messages and not interrupting.
February: Self-Control and Problem Solving
Mid-year is often when conflicts peak. Teach stop and think, solving problems, handling disagreements, patience, handling "no," winning and losing kindly, and telling versus tattling.
March and April: Character
Spend time on honesty, responsibility, respect, persistence, mistakes, doing your best, bravery and flexibility.
May and June: Me and My World
End the year with strengths, still learning, being a leader instead of bossy, positive thinking, caring for your body, helping at home, being part of a class, making decisions, trying new things and saying goodbye. That last skill is a gentle way to prepare children for the end of the year and the move to a new class.
With 80 skills and roughly 36 school weeks, two skills a week fits comfortably, with room to repeat lessons your class needs again. Some teachers prefer one skill per week with extra reteaching; either pace works.
Classroom Management Tips
- Pick a consistent time, such as morning meeting.
- Keep lessons short. Fifteen to twenty minutes is enough for most young groups.
- Display the current skill. Post the "I can" statement and refer to it throughout the day.
- Use journals. Collect each child's practice pages in a journal with a cover, so children and families can see their growth over the year.
- Track what you teach. A simple progress tracker helps you notice which skills need more practice and keeps the year on track.
Partnering with Families
Social skills grow fastest when school and home use the same words. A short note home after each skill does a lot of work.
- Share the skill name and the exact phrase you used, such as "stop and think."
- Suggest one easy way to practice at home, like taking turns during a board game.
- Encourage families to ask, "What did Benny and Lulu learn today?"
- Invite families to notice and praise the skill when they see it.
Frequently Asked Questions
How often should I teach social skills lessons?
Short, regular lessons work better than long, occasional ones. Two or three short sessions a week, such as a story day and a practice day, keep skills fresh. Daily reminders and real-life coaching between lessons are just as important.
Can social stories work for children who are not reading yet?
Yes. Social stories are meant to be read aloud, and the illustrations carry much of the meaning. Children listen, look at the pictures, talk and act out the situation. Practice can happen through drawing and tracing rather than writing.
What if a child refuses to participate in role-play?
Never force it. Let the child watch first, hold a puppet or be the "director" who tells others what to do. Many hesitant children join in once they see others having fun and realize no one is laughing at them.
Should I follow the skills in order?
A sequence helps, but respond to your class. If friendship conflicts are erupting in September, it is fine to teach sharing early. Use a scope and sequence as a guide and pull skills forward when they are needed.
Is a social skills curriculum useful in special education or speech therapy?
Very much so. Clear stories, visual supports, predictable lessons and two activity levels make it easy to target specific IEP goals, pragmatic language skills or behavior plans. Pick the skills that match each child's needs and repeat them as often as necessary.
Building a Kind and Capable Class
Social skills are the foundation for everything else in the early years. A child who can wait, listen, name a feeling, calm down and solve a problem with a friend is ready to learn. Teaching these skills directly, with stories, practice and family support, gives every child a fair chance to succeed in a group.
If you would like a full year planned out, the Social Skills SEL Curriculum brings it together in 383 black and white pages: 80 skills in 8 units, original social stories with Benny Bear and Lulu Bunny, 2-day lesson plans, discussion questions, two activity levels, home notes, stick puppets, a feelings chart, a Ways to Calm Down poster, a Kind Hearts journal cover, an 80-skill progress tracker, a Kind Heart Award, a scope and sequence, a year-long study plan and teacher notes.
